出国知识文章库

作文点评:如何冲击雅思8分(V117)

原创作者:转载网上 更新时间:2005-05-26 01:07:20  返回资料库 

上一篇文章:澳大利亚全部20个雅思考试中心联系方式  下一篇文章:留学散文:有颜色的记事本(一)--黑色

本文为赖老师特供无忧雅思网作品,转载请注明作者和出处!
习作不可以作为范文背诵,否则有可能得到非常低的分数,甚至零分

习作:天津YUAN LIU
V117 some people think that children should learn to compete in the world, but others think the children should be taught to cooperate so as to become more useful to society. State your reasons from both sides and give your own opinion.

As a famous saying goes :competition is a part of human nature. We were born for competition in natural selection. Of course, cooperation has become a growing tendency as a result of globalization. Therefore, as for children's education, personally, I think both competition and cooperation hold equal importance.

We always compete with each other consciously or unconsciously. Companies strive for a larger scale of production and a higher profit, (;)students work diligently for top grades or chance to enter a key university, (;)parents spur their children to be outstanding among their peers and every one of us are (is)eager for success or at least a good standard of life.

Cooperation usually comes up with competition. Two individuals can obtain much more than they could do separately. For example, Yao Ming is a genius basketball player, but he has never made the Houston Rockets as champion by himself. As a dominant player, he still has to score his points with the assistance from his teammates. Furthermore, these years, Japanese government has organized a project called outdoors survival annually in order to encourage the teenagers to learn cohesion and teamwork which , they regard, will benefit a lot.

In a word, both competition and cooperation are common elements in our social life and we'd better make good use of them accordingly. It seems that rational competition and cooperative consciousness may fix our children very well in future society.

得分:7分
语言表达能力强,文章的可读性高,内容翔实,极少语法错误,文章结构完整连贯,论据逻辑支持有力,观点明确,250字以上。
以上几个方面缺一都无法得标准的7分。此作者若想冲击8分,则尚有一段距离,expressions、vocabulary和分析力度都须再上一层次。例如,

BODY1结尾加上:Competition pervades every corner of school as well as society. As a consequence, learning how to compete with others can help
children adapt themselves quickly to leading a normal social life after graduation.(又回应了TOPIC)



  
上一篇:澳大利亚全部20个雅思考试中心联系方式
下一篇:留学散文:有颜色的记事本(一)--黑色

相关文章:
雅思作文观点探讨2005-05-25 12:06:21
准备GRE作文的感受2005-05-25 12:06:46
托福作文经验(1)2005-05-25 01:03:03
托福作文经验(2)2005-05-25 01:03:09
TOFEL历年作文题目2005-05-25 01:03:20
雅思A类小作文之经典句型2005-05-25 01:12:38
最新托福考试作文题选编50题(1)2005-05-25 01:16:11
最新托福考试作文题选编50题(2)2005-05-25 01:16:12
最新托福考试作文题选编50题(3)2005-05-25 01:16:12
胡敏TOEFL高分作文四大策略(2)2005-05-25 01:17:59

(声明:该资料库所有文章来源网上,不代表我中心观点,目的在于方便朋友们了解相关资料,所有内容仅供参考,如果想了解更权威的请点击这里,让我们的专家告诉您。)

移民免费评估